Malice in Wonderland

I haven’t posted anything in a while.  Not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t have anything to post.  That is how boring Innoventions is.  We spend our time WISHING for one of the robos to break, just so that there’s something different to do.  When we get preteen boys on our robos, we just HOPE they would flip the camera off so we can hit that stop button and kick them out, just because it’ll break up the monotony.  The most interesting part of our day at Sum of All Thrills is getting someone who’s too fat to fit in the robo and telling them that they, unfortunately, can’t ride.

This is depressing.  Let’s have a story about an adorable little girl, shall we?

Little Girl: *completely freaking out* I DON’T WANNA RIDE!

Little Girl’s Mom: You’re not.  Just daddy’s going.

Little Girl:  Oh, ok!  Be safe.  *dramatic pause as her dad walks into the queue*  PLEASE TRY NOT TO FALL OUT!

I wanted to kidnap her and make her my own.

On another note, from now on I’ll be jumping into the way-back machine and posting some of my old Barnstormer stories.  Those are some of my best.

I picked up a Storybook Circus Support shift yesterday.  That’s where they either have you parking strollers or stand around counting people as they enter Dumbo.  Luckily, I got to do the latter.  On the plus side, I got to wear the adorable costume that I got two months ago when I thought I would be getting trained over there.  On the downside, I’ve lost A LOT of weight since then, so I was swimming in it, making it much less adorable.

There were a ton of awesome things that happened, but this is probably my favorite story.

A little princess is walking past me, Lottso bear in hand.  I stop her.  “Hey princess!  I have a VERY IMPORTANT question for you.”

“What?”

“Does he REALLY smell like strawberries?”

Her eyes light up. “YES!”  And she shoves him into my face so I can smell.

“THAT’S SO COOL!  Enjoy your flight.”

It was a nice cap on a day of getting payed to pretty much do absolutely nothing.

My best friend introduced me to Star Wars: The Old Republic and now I’m slightly addicted.  What can I say?  I like killing things for fun…  And now all I want to do is go ride Star Tours.  And don’t even get me started on how excited I am for Star Wars Weekend.

Any other SWTOR nerds out there?

“How do I get to Ellen/the dinosaur ride?” Would it kill you to look at your map?

or better yet “Will my kids like Ellen/the dinosaur ride?” It’s 45 minutes long.  What do YOU think?

“Where’s the nearest bathroom?” I’m so glad you asked because that sign RIGHT THERE pointing you to the bathrooms is actually lying. It leads you to the place where we freeze you, shrink you down, and put you into it’s a small world.

“What does this do?” Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

“Can I try it?” Sure.  But it does nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

“That was it?”  Yes.  Because it does NOTHING!

“I don’t think I’ll fit.”  I know you won’t fit, but I’m not allowed to tell you that, so sit your ass down so I can pull the hood down and check.  OR, bitch you are tiny.  Shut up and get in line.

“Let me sit here and tell you all of my opinions about why they closed Habit Heroes and what it means for the future of America.”  Just because I can’t walk away from this spot doesn’t mean I want to listen to you rant for the next hour.

Hey, y’all.  Sorry I haven’t had any stories to tell lately.  I’ve been working six days a week and Sum of All Thrills is so exhausting, physically.  I legit come home and go straight to bed.  I’ll try and get some of my adventures up on my next day off.

My first day at Sum of All Thrills was AMAZING!  I was smiling the entire day, despite both a severe cold AND having broken my nose the night before.  (A long story… Maybe I’ll tell it later.)  After all of the crazy that was Fantasyland, it’s nice to be somewhere so chill and simple.  I DID crush one guys junk with the hood of the robot, but it was a total accident and I learned from it.  I’ll go into more detail tomorrow.  Right now, I have to go to bed.  I have to be back there in eleven hours.

My last day Poohside was uneventful.  I’m actually extremely disappointed.

The Scene: The entrance to Pooh.  Morning.  Valentine’s Day.

I feel a tap on my back and turn around.  There stands a little boy, maybe five or six, looking terrified.  I kneel down to his level.  “What’s up sweetie?”

“Umm… I have a question.”  He whispers.

“Well, that’s good because I’ve had an answer ALL DAY and no one has asked the right question.  Let’s see if they match!”

At this point he starts smiling like mad.  “Will you be my Valentine?”

I’m ridiculously flattered.  “OF COURSE I WILL, BABYDOLL!  Can I have a hug?”

He gives me the biggest hug and a kiss on the cheek.  Then he walks off and I start jumping up and down.  This is probably the most excited I have ever been.  THEN I see him come walking back toward me.

“This is for you!”

HE GAVE ME A LOLLYPOP!  I wanted to kidnap him.

I had called the training office yesterday to ask why the only thing on my schedule was Discovery Day.  Apparently the person in charge of my training forgot to actually schedule me.  So, I got a call this morning saying that it was all fixed.  My Discovery Day is now eight hours instead of four and I start my training at Sum of All Thrills on Wednesday!  HECK YEAH, INNOVENTIONS!

I was supposed to go to EPCOT today, but as I was making my way over there I realized that what I wanted to do, more than anything, was ride Star Tours.  So, I changed course.  Now, if you’ve never gotten to wander around the parks alone, I highly suggest it.  There was no one there to tell me I couldn’t ride Star Tours three times in a row.  No one to complain that I want to go watch One Man’s Dream.  No one to tell me that the Great Movie Ride is lame.

This day was absolutely amazing.  As I was walking in to Star Tours, the little old man at the entrance holds out his hand to me.  Naturally, I don’t think twice and grab his hand.  When I pull it away, I notice that he handed me a Minnie Princess sticker.  I get as excited as a five year old and thank him like crazy.  He told me I looked lonely and he wanted to make me smile.  He succeeded.  Then, once the ride starts, I’M THE REBEL SPY!  I’ve ridden this ride dozens of times hoping to get that honor and today was my day!

Then I made my way over to the Great Movie Ride.  When I get to the load platform, I notice that they are loading both front AND back.  I get sent to the front car.  Could it be?  Am I really about to get the elusive bandit show?!?  YEEEEEEEEES!

The rest of the day was uneventful.  Just me doing exactly what I wanted and nothing I didn’t.  It was a day full of the magic that my life has been so desperately lacking as of late.

So, I got my papers for my transfer today.  My Discovery Day at EPCOT is on the 20th.  I’m ridiculously excited.  What’s funny is that my papers only show my 4 hour Discovery Day.  Usually it’s that plus 4 hours of area intro.  Now, my best friend happens to work in Futureworld West, so he did some snooping because he desperately wants me to be working with him.  Apparently they don’t have anyone scheduled to pick me up after Discovery Day.  Even the area I’m transferring to doesn’t know where I’m going.  This should be fun!

“Ok.  Tell them that WITHOUT the expletive.”

So, I’m on the safety committee and today my fave manager asked if I could talk to everyone about texting and driving.  He has just read about someone who died in a crash because the driver of a semi was texting and ran right into her and he wanted to discuss it with the cast.  However, he thought it would come better coming from one of us.  I agreed to do it IF he let me do it my way.  He was kind of apprehensive, but decided to let me do my thing.

“Hey guys!  So… Texting and driving.  Don’t do it!  If you do, you will crash and die.  I like most of you, so that would make me sad.  The end.”

I think it went rather well…

So, I got the phone call from casting when I was driving home from my vacation.  I start at Futureworld West on the 19th.  It’s going to be kind of sad to leave my home in the land of fantasy, but I need a change so badly it’s ridiculous.

for the first time in FOREVER!  $50 later, I remember why I stopped going to the mall.

I just painted my nails sparkly red.  It’s amazing the things that give you pleasure when you get a week away from the confines of Disney Look.

A few days ago I was working at the Carrousel.  This family comes in just as I’m about to close the gates with a little princess dressed as Cinderella.  Naturally the little girl wants to ride on Cinderella’s horse.  I tell them I’ll find it for them and set out on a mad hunt for it.  Unfortunately, when I get to it there’s already someone on it.  I tell the family that they can wait for the next ride and I’ll make sure they get that horse.  That’s when the little girl is like, “Oh, it doesn’t matter that much.  I’ll just get on another horse.”  So, I direct her to MY favorite horse and she is SO HAPPY that I’m letting her ride my horse.  She was A-FREAKIN’-DORABLE!

When their ride is over I see them heading for Cindy’s horse.  “She just wanted to get a good look at it,” her mother informs me.  “Well, how would the princess like to ride it?”  The mother flips out that I’m going to let them ride again and tells me that I’m the nicest person they’ve met during their entire vacation.

The woman was practically crying because I let her ride a ninety second ride twice.  It was one of the best moments I’ve ever had.

1. I fell in love with my best friend.

2. My best friend did not fall in love with me.

3. My best friend now has a girlfriend that he neglected to tell me about.

4. My heart is broken.

Needless to say, I spent about an hour and a half on the phone crying my eyes out to my mother.

I tried on my costume for Storybook Circus (Dumbo & the Barnstormer) today.  IT’S ADORABLE!  I make an amazing ringmaster.  I think the most exciting part to me is that the shirt is fitted.  I actually look like I have a waist!  It’s amazing.  Unfortunately, all of the rumors that we’re getting top hats are false.  The hats are actually the ugliest things I have ever seen.  They have a ginormous brim and they’re black and white and they don’t match the costume at all.

One step closer to getting back to my beloved Barn.

However, I’m pretty sure a bunch of the other Skips think I’m a crazy stalker.  I waited at the exit for her to get a boat for about half an hour.  They kept asking if I was waiting for someone.  Each time I told them I was waiting for Jennifer and they informed me that she wasn’t on a boat.  I was like “I’m aware of that.  I can see her right there at rear load…  I’ll wait here all night if I have to.  And by all night I mean until 8 because I don’t have a room key.”  It was the most magical Cruise I’ve ever been on.

Today is the last day of Dumbo for a while, so before we opened this morning our managers sent all of the Fantasyland Attractions cast over to ride it.  This in and of itself was enough to get me super excited.  THEN as I’m midair, I turn around and see an amazing sight.  Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder were in the elephant behind me.  I RODE DUMBO WITH A PRINCESS, Y’ALL!  And now I’m off to stalk the hell out of a certain Skipper.

I was working Fastpass Distribution today when a woman walked up to me and thanked me.  Like “Thank you SO much.”  I was super confused, but acted like I knew what she was talking about.  “Oh, it’s no problem!”  I guess she could tell that I didn’t know why she was thanking me, so she explained.  Apparently about an hour before she had come up to me and asked if Philharmagic was appropriate for her little girl.  I assured her she would love it.

This woman HUNTED ME DOWN an hour later just to thank me for suggesting it.  “Not only did she love it, I LOVED IT!”  It was an amazing moment.

Every single person I made plans with tonight (including the boy that I’m pretty much in love with) canceled at the last minute, so I’m all alone for New Year’s Eve.  Is it wrong to say that I’m fucking sick of my friends?

I didn’t do a damn thing.  I call this day a success.

Very rarely, we’ll have a position up called merge assist.  Basically your job there is to keep the stand-by line entertained while the merge cast member does their thing.  This is meant to cause less yelling and violence at the merge position on the crazy busy days.

The thing is, when you’re standing there chatting with people, they tend to ask when they’re going to get to go.  My answer is pretty awesome.  It usually gets a laugh and makes them less annoyed that they have to wait.  Oddly enough, all I do is tell them the truth.

“I’m not entirely sure…  You get to go when that person right there tells you you can.  I’m really just here to smile and look pretty.”

I’m so excited!  I have to go back to PA to get my car inspected, so I’ve decided to make a full on trip out of it.  I’ll be going home for about two weeks.  The best part is I’ll be getting payed for all but two days of it!  I think I’m most excited to eat actual food.  Mostly, I just eat chicken nuggets and taquitos.  My mommy’s gonna be cooking up a storm.

Working in the lobby of Philharmagic during busy days is kind of chaotic.  You have to keep in control or things can get out of hand pretty quick.  Generally it takes the entire show to fill the lobby with a whole theater full (just under 500) of people.  Most people just let people go where ever they want and then try to squish them all together once they’re already standing there.  Well, today I took charge and was directing people exactly where to go right from the start.  I had the entire lobby full with room to spare and 5 minutes left in the show.  I was so ridiculously proud of myself.  Like, I should have been internally going “Woo!”  Instead, I was externally “WOOOOOOO! HAPPY DANCE!”

If I don’t get excited about the small things, I start to hate my life more and more.

I’ve really gotten sick of Fantasyland lately.  And I gave myself a deadline.  That deadline has come and passed, so I went to casting yesterday.  I put in to go to either Adventureland/Liberty Square, Frontierland, Futureworld West, Icon Area, or Sunset Area.

If I don’t get that call soon, I might just cry.

This evening I watched all three Aladdin movies and ate half a box of cheerios.  I’d call this a night well spent.