Malice in Wonderland

So, This Happened...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 17:45:52 -0400

Grouper: Have a nice day, Prince Charming!
Little Boy: I'M NOT PRINCE CHARMING!
Grouper: You're not Prince Charming, huh?
Little Boy: NO! I'm DARTH VADER!

My grouper didn't even have words. She just let the little boy walk away.

I find it hilarious that CPs are bitching that we treat them...

Thu, 31 May 2012 22:50:45 -0400

I find it hilarious that CPs are bitching that we treat them like they don’t know what they’re doing. If you actually knew what you were doing, we wouldn’t treat you like children. We’re only grumpy because you’re all idiots.

Are you going to "The Beatles: The Lost Concert" movie premier in a few weeks?

Wed, 02 May 2012 13:14:47 -0400

A. I’m not entirely sure if this is a legit question or if it’s just spam.

B. If this movie is a real thing, I’m going to freak out.

C. I googled it. It’s real. Hells yes!

Oh, Hey Tumblr! You're Still Here...

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 18:03:00 -0400

I haven’t posted anything in a while. Not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t have anything to post. That is how boring Innoventions is. We spend our time WISHING for one of the robos to break, just so that there’s something different to do. When we get preteen boys on our robos, we just HOPE they would flip the camera off so we can hit that stop button and kick them out, just because it’ll break up the monotony. The most interesting part of our day at Sum of All Thrills is getting someone who’s too fat to fit in the robo and telling them that they, unfortunately, can’t ride.

This is depressing. Let’s have a story about an adorable little girl, shall we?

Little Girl: *completely freaking out* I DON’T WANNA RIDE!

Little Girl’s Mom: You’re not. Just daddy’s going.

Little Girl: Oh, ok! Be safe. *dramatic pause as her dad walks into the queue* PLEASE TRY NOT TO FALL OUT!

I wanted to kidnap her and make her my own.

On another note, from now on I’ll be jumping into the way-back machine and posting some of my old Barnstormer stories. Those are some of my best.

Eff that! Take it from a Toonie, back seat is where it’s...

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 00:52:00 -0400

Eff that! Take it from a Toonie, back seat is where it’s at!

Did They Really Just Pay Me For That?!?

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 20:54:00 -0400

I picked up a Storybook Circus Support shift yesterday. That’s where they either have you parking strollers or stand around counting people as they enter Dumbo. Luckily, I got to do the latter. On the plus side, I got to wear the adorable costume that I got two months ago when I thought I would be getting trained over there. On the downside, I’ve lost A LOT of weight since then, so I was swimming in it, making it much less adorable.

There were a ton of awesome things that happened, but this is probably my favorite story.

A little princess is walking past me, Lottso bear in hand. I stop her. “Hey princess! I have a VERY IMPORTANT question for you.”

“What?”

“Does he REALLY smell like strawberries?”

Her eyes light up. “YES!” And she shoves him into my face so I can smell.

“THAT’S SO COOL! Enjoy your flight.”

It was a nice cap on a day of getting payed to pretty much do absolutely nothing.

My best friend introduced me to Star Wars: The Old Republic and now I’m slightly addicted. ...

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 00:44:55 -0400

My best friend introduced me to Star Wars: The Old Republic and now I’m slightly addicted. What can I say? I like killing things for fun… And now all I want to do is go ride Star Tours. And don’t even get me started on how excited I am for Star Wars Weekend.

Any other SWTOR nerds out there?

This was a common occurrence when I was managing a bookstore. ...

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 15:34:29 -0400

This was a common occurrence when I was managing a bookstore. If I was reading at the register, I got annoyed when someone would come up to check out. If they dared to attempt chit-chat, I was FURIOUS.

Photo

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 20:27:12 -0400

Things You Hear at Test Vehicle

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 17:56:21 -0400

“How do I get to Ellen/the dinosaur ride?” Would it kill you to look at your map?

or better yet “Will my kids like Ellen/the dinosaur ride?” It’s 45 minutes long. What do YOU think?

“Where’s the nearest bathroom?” I’m so glad you asked because that sign RIGHT THERE pointing you to the bathrooms is actually lying. It leads you to the place where we freeze you, shrink you down, and put you into it’s a small world.

“What does this do?” Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“Can I try it?” Sure. But it does nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“That was it?” Yes. Because it does NOTHING!

“I don’t think I’ll fit.” I know you won’t fit, but I’m not allowed to tell you that, so sit your ass down so I can pull the hood down and check. OR, bitch you are tiny. Shut up and get in line.

“Let me sit here and tell you all of my opinions about why they closed Habit Heroes and what it means for the future of America.” Just because I can’t walk away from this spot doesn’t mean I want to listen to you rant for the next hour.

Hey, y’all. Sorry I haven’t had any stories to tell lately. I’ve been working...

Sun, 04 Mar 2012 21:25:46 -0500

Hey, y’all. Sorry I haven’t had any stories to tell lately. I’ve been working six days a week and Sum of All Thrills is so exhausting, physically. I legit come home and go straight to bed. I’ll try and get some of my adventures up on my next day off.

ragecastmember: They’re OK for Tland, but Fanland…? wtf...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 19:26:50 -0500

ragecastmember:

They’re OK for Tland, but Fanland…? wtf costuming

I actually bitched an ODF person out for walking through Fantasyland with it on before I found out they were for both sides. It looks RIDICULOUS.

Day One!

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 20:39:33 -0500

My first day at Sum of All Thrills was AMAZING! I was smiling the entire day, despite both a severe cold AND having broken my nose the night before. (A long story… Maybe I’ll tell it later.) After all of the crazy that was Fantasyland, it’s nice to be somewhere so chill and simple. I DID crush one guys junk with the hood of the robot, but it was a total accident and I learned from it. I’ll go into more detail tomorrow. Right now, I have to go to bed. I have to be back there in eleven hours.

candlejack: You know, it’s weird when you wake up one morning...

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:50:02 -0500

candlejack:

You know, it’s weird when you wake up one morning and realize that your entire life is based on a decision made by a teenager.
A stoned teenager.

I know there must be some investment bankers out there that know the feeling.
Some time ago we had a dress rehearsal, it was free, we invited some friends and family and stuff. And I invited a friend of mine who’s offices are downtown on lafayette and astor, he sells pretzels. We sit him down in your seat and he watched the play. Then afterwards we ran back downtown to this bar. After about 5 or 16 bears he looked at me and said,
“The Real!”
And I said “yeah.”
And he said, “The Real, you know the thing that the kid in your play is looking for? I’ve got news for you, Stew. The Real is not real. The Real is a construct. The Real is a creation. The Real is artificial. The kid in your play is looking for something in life that can only be found in art.”
And I was like, “Damn, pretzel man you’re a heavy motherfucker.”

Some people feel like art is more real than life. And that really gives you something to think about. Especially if you’re at a funeral.

Nope. I just think I look dead sexy in lederhosen.

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 17:20:00 -0500

Nope. I just think I look dead sexy in lederhosen.

My last day Poohside was uneventful. I’m actually extremely disappointed.

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 15:48:35 -0500

My last day Poohside was uneventful. I’m actually extremely disappointed.

My Valentine

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 21:03:25 -0500

The Scene: The entrance to Pooh. Morning. Valentine’s Day.

I feel a tap on my back and turn around. There stands a little boy, maybe five or six, looking terrified. I kneel down to his level. “What’s up sweetie?”

“Umm… I have a question.” He whispers.

“Well, that’s good because I’ve had an answer ALL DAY and no one has asked the right question. Let’s see if they match!”

At this point he starts smiling like mad. “Will you be my Valentine?”

I’m ridiculously flattered. “OF COURSE I WILL, BABYDOLL! Can I have a hug?”

He gives me the biggest hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then he walks off and I start jumping up and down. This is probably the most excited I have ever been. THEN I see him come walking back toward me.

“This is for you!”

HE GAVE ME A LOLLYPOP! I wanted to kidnap him.

Hells Yes!

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:16:30 -0500

I had called the training office yesterday to ask why the only thing on my schedule was Discovery Day. Apparently the person in charge of my training forgot to actually schedule me. So, I got a call this morning saying that it was all fixed. My Discovery Day is now eight hours instead of four and I start my training at Sum of All Thrills on Wednesday! HECK YEAH, INNOVENTIONS!

“We ran out of peanuts, so he flew off to find some...

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:13:06 -0500

“We ran out of peanuts, so he flew off to find some more.”

“Oh! That makes sense!”

Little princesses are the best.

I’m that obnoxious cast member who’s dancing around...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 23:24:57 -0500

I’m that obnoxious cast member who’s dancing around in the back of the theater like a fool EACH AND EVERY TIME, and I’m not the least bit ashamed.